When I am alone I sit and dream
And when I dream the words are missing
Yes, I know that in a room so full of light
That all the light is missing
But I don’t see you with me, with me
Close up the windows,
Bring the sun to my room
Through the door you’ve opened
Close, inside of me the light you see
That you met in the darkness

Time to say goodbye
Horizons are never far
Would I have to find them alone
Without true light of my own?
With you I will go
On ships over seas
That I now know
No, they don’t exist anymore
It’s time to say goodbye

When you were so far away
I sat alone and dreamt of the horizon
Then I know that you were here with me
Building bridges over land and sea
Shine a blinding light for you and me
To see, for us to be
Time to say goodbye
Horizons are never far
Would I have to find them alone
Without true light of my own?
With you I will go
On ships over seas
That I now know
No, they don’t exist anymore
Without true light of my own

With you I will go
Horizons are never far
Would I have to find them alone
Without true light of my own?
With you I will go
On ships over seas
That I now know
No, they don’t exist anymore
Anymore

Sometimes, we said something different but maybe we are meaning the same thing, we are just lost in translation. Maybe.

<<Today I found out the origin of the term “Goodbye”.

“Goodbye” comes from the term “Godbwye” a contraction of the phrase “God be with ye”.

Depending on the source, the contraction seems to have first popped up somewhere between 1565 and 1575. The first documented use of the “Godbwye” appeared in a letter English writer and scholar Gabriel Harvey wrote in 1573. In it, he wrote, “To requite your gallonde of godbwyes, I regive you a pottle of howdyes.”

As time went on, it is believed the phrase was influenced by terms like “good day” and “good evening”, transitioning then from “god be with ye” to god-b’wye to good-b’wy and finally ending in today’s blessing of goodbye.>>

So, God be with ye.

I’ve been reading books of old
The legends and the myths
Achilles and his gold
Hercules and his gifts
Spiderman’s control
And Batman with his fists
And clearly I don’t see myself upon that list

But she said, where’d you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I’m not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts
Some superhero
Some fairytale bliss
Just something I can turn to
Somebody I can kiss

I’ve been reading books of old
The legends and the myths
The testaments they told
The moon and its eclipse
And Superman unrolls
A suit before he lifts
But I’m not the kind of person that it fits

She said, where’d you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I’m not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts
Some superhero
Some fairytale bliss
Just something I can turn to
Somebody I can miss

Where’d you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I’m not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts
Some superhero
Some fairytale bliss
Just something I can turn to
Somebody I can kiss
I want something just like this

The arrows fly, ten thousand fall
Still, You protect me through it all
The waters rise, the oceans rage
Still, You’re the One the storm obeys
In the shelter of Your presence
In the shadow of Your wings

I am safe, I am safe
I will hold onto Your promise
You will not abandon me
I am safe, I am safe

To You, I run when mountains shake
You are my shield, my hiding place
Almighty God, I will draw near
Your perfect love casts out all fear
In the shelter of Your presence
In the shadow of Your wings
I am safe, I am safe

I will hold onto Your promise
You will not abandon me
I am safe, I am safe
There’s nothing left to fear
You will not abandon me
I am safe, I am safe

So step inside
‘Cause that night is cold, it don’t deserve such a smile
It’s not enough
For it to show up every once in a while

In the moonlight, I should
Kiss you at Samhain, throw it all down
Wouldn’t that be cool?
To kill the guards, open the gates, for feelings unbound

But I’ve been keeping hope
I’ve got a fairytale in my heart, I can cope

I’ve been keeping hope
Bet they had you in mind when naming the rose

Only know ’bout how I won’t be here later
Don’t forget, ’bout how she had you feeling major
He tried to write down how he felt ’bout the girl
Kept running out of paper. He’ll wait for her

He was feeling fucking awesome
Be a good man like you taught him
Don’t get caught up in caution when love exists

So step inside
‘Cause that night is cold, it don’t deserve such a smile

We’ll be alright
I could never lie about caring a lot

You are the sun in my sky
Even when the stars all die
You are gonna make me shine
You make me shine ’cause

I’m born forever your guide
For all of my life
I will be by your side

And I’ll be there when you fall, yeah
And there’ll be no pain at all

And I’ll be your shelter
Your shelter from the storm
Yeah, always be your shelter
I’ll be there if you fall
And if you walk a lonely road
Know that you’re not alone, yeah
‘Cause I’ll be your shelter
Your shelter from the storm

So when the rain’s coming down
Feel you can’t stand your ground
I won’t let you drown

And I’ll be there when you fall, yeah
And there’ll be no pain at all

And I’ll be your shelter
Your shelter from the storm
Yeah, always be your shelter
I’ll be there if you fall
And if you walk a lonely road
Know that you’re not alone, yeah
‘Cause I’ll be your shelter
Your shelter from the storm

I guess you don’t need it
I guess you don’t want me to repeat it
But everything I have to give I’ll give to you
It’s not like we planned it
You tried to stay, but you could not stand it
To see me shut down slow
as though it was an easy thing to do
Listen when
All of this around us’ll fall over
I tell you what we’re gonna do
You will shelter me my love
And I will shelter you
I will shelter you
I left you heartbroken, but not until those very words were spoken
Has anybody ever made such a fool out of you
It’s hard to believe it
Even as my eyes do see it
The very things that make you live are killing you
Listen when all of this around us’ll fall over
I tell you what we’re gonna do
You will shelter me my love
I will shelter you
Listen when
All of this around us’ll fall over
I tell you what we’re gonna do
Hey you will shelter me my love
I will shelter you
If you shelter me too

A blurred photo taken at 5.30 am. An immortal and fragile polaroid of an immortal and strong path. Following the White&Red spirits in Ireland, you got lost in Fairy valley. Following the whiteblaze, you found yourself in the Tiger Lily Valley.

Two years ago, I copied this phrase under a photo of mine:”She reminds me of the fairytale princess.
The good fairies came and each one placed a magnificent gift in the cradle:
beauty, grace, intelligence, spirit.But the bad fairy came in turn and said:
<< I will ensure that these gifts turn against you and guarantee you no happiness … Even your beauty will only bring you pain, and you will never know peace >> ”

Now it’s no longer a belief, but there use same fear inside me, shaking like the flame of a trembling candle.

Instead the light of hope is tangible as the sun rays of the dawn, when the inclination allows you to see a beam of light that is road in the thick trees of my cursed forest of briers.

I spent the life to ask for wishes at fireflies instead of the stars. But now I realize that the problem was not in the confident, but what I was asked.

E dunque uscimmo a riveder le stelle.

I cannot pretend to be religious as to believe firmly in Jesus and in the Saints.
I can’t make the hypocrisy of sharing songs that would have seemed silly to me years ago, only because I would have thought them a symptom of mental closure.

But, indeed, the point is to find the open-mindedness to reconsider everything, not through the vision of the church and the bigots.

But through feeling that something exists beyond our being animals; therefore, a soul.

I have always associated consciousness with knowledge and instruction. But that was rationality. I would therefore like to associate consciousness with something as irrational as hope is like love.

I therefore associate God with love, but not only romantic love. not really. indeed, romantic love often produces perdition and sin.

I want to associate him with acts of kindness. And therefore, since they live and exist acts of uninformed kindness, facing this world and I can hope that there is a future of goodness and joy.

https://youtu.be/_ri96lDMe7E

A friend of mine suggested me this song few days before I took my flight, actually just before I booked my last-minute flight. I clunged to this song, as we hold on to hope, and I interpreted it as if it meant that I had to give up and accept to hold on a life that this friend offered to me, a not-bad life.

This morning as a flash in my mind I understood its true meaning and I have to admit that my friend planted the seed of a message that goes beyond this, and I hope he will excuse me if I now feel that I cannot accept his proposal, because I accepted to believe, believe that for me it will be all, not only friendship, or lought, or the world, ma all togheter, plus the stars and all type of love, as a friend, as a sister, as a mother, as a doughter, as a sweet lover. Completely.

Believe

So after all those one night stands
You’ve ended up with heart in hand
A child alone
On your own
Retreating
Regretful for the things you’re not
And all the dreams you haven’t got
Without a home
A heart of stone
Lies bleeding

And for all the roads you followed
And for all you did not find
And for all the things you had to leave behind

I am the way
I am the light
I am the dark inside the night
I hear your hopes
I feel your dreams
And in the dark I hear your screams
Don’t turn away
Just take my hand
And when you make your final stand
I’ll be right there
I’ll never leave
And all I ask of you
Believe
Your childhood eyes were so intense
While bartering your innocence
For bits of string
The grown-up wings
You needed

But when you had to add them up
You found that there were not enough
To get you in
Pay for sins repeated

And for all the years you borrowed
And for all the tears you cried
And for all the fears you had to keep inside

I am the way
I am the light
I am the dark inside the night
I hear your hopes
I feel your dreams
And in the dark
I hear your screams

Don’t turn away
Just take my hand
And when you make your final stand
I’ll be right there
I’ll never leave
All I ask of you is
Believe

I never wanted to know
Never wanted to see
I wasted my time
Till time wasted me
I never wanted to go
I always wanted to stay
‘Cause the persons I am
Are the parts that I play
So I plot and I plan
And I hope and I scheme
To the lure of a night
Filled with unfinished dreams
And I’m holding on tight
To a world gone astray
As they charge me for years
I can’t pay

I am the way
I am the light
I am the dark
Inside the night
I hear your hopes
I feel your dreams
And in the dark
I hear your screams
Don’t turn away
Just take my hand
And when you make your final stand
I’ll be right there
I’ll never leave
All I ask of you

Believe

We are called, for light, heart, joy, love, mercy. Hope, freedom, brothers, justice.

I can’t see for only pain and despair.

So, my answer, if You call, is

“Eccomi”.

No fear.

Whathever is the way.

You held my hand when it was cold
When I was lost, you took me home
You gave me hope when I was at the end
And turned my lies back into truth again
You even called me friend

I cried a tear, you wiped it dry
I was confused, you cleared my mind
I sold my soul, you bought it back for me
And held me up and gave me dignity
Somehow you needed me
You gave me strength to stand alone again
To face the world out on my own again
You put me high upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity

I have such a developed sensitivity that sometimes nothing is enoght to hurt me and break me in thousand pieces. But also, a sensitivity so much abused that everithing can passing by ad a blade on a coriaceous scar, already death skin.

I have a need for love so strong that it sometimes hurts and scares. Me and others.

On my journal I wrote for years:
“Is it so difficult to stay near me, accept me, love me, wrap me in a hug? Often has been easier to run away and leave me alone.”

I’m like a dawn on the sea.

Insecure and stubborn, passionate and melancholy, full of doubts and covered with dreams.

I am different from what I was yesterday and from what I will become tomorrow. But always the same.

I insist on existing.
I exist, I love, I live, I fight, I fall and I get up.

With autumn in the eyes and spring in the heart.

Movies taken from books often lose something, so much so that you would like to draw a book from the film to give it back what they lost.I was afraid of reading the book and having to admit that it had the same flaws.A good story but written without that deserved solemnity called gravitas in ancient Rome. Fortunately, a quiet lyricism has comforted me.Sometimes, while tears need no arguments, too many smiles and laughter, lightness and joy need explanations, as if to say:now you see me smile, laugh, you feel the calm and spontaneity in my gestures, but how much past pain has cost me, to be here now to embrace life with so much joy.

“We sit silently and watch the world around us. This has taken a lifetime to learn. It seems only the old are able to sit next to one another and not say anything and still feel content.

The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste, for silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox

You’re a little older, of course, with more experience behind you, but there’s the same light in your eyes.

Read more poems and browse the rivers. And you have in yourself that kindness of mind that not even war has managed to destroy.
And I learned what is obvious:

That life is simply a collection of little lives, each lived one day at a time.

That each day should be spent finding beauty in flowers and poetry and talking to animals.

That a day spent with dreaming and sunsets and refreshing breezes cannot be bettered.

But most of all, I learned that life is about sitting on benches next to ancient creeks with my hand on her knee and sometimes, on good days, for love.

We spent a summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love.”

First it was, I told to a friend of mine who is psychologist, as if I were running, but I was running in the total darkness.

So I ran in a circle and felt in panic, with the anxiety of the futility of running without knowing the direction,because it could all be just an effort to run in the wrong direction.

He said: imagined it as to be at a crossroads, and, simply, start exploring paths to understand which was the best.I did so.

Now, I still don’t know what my path is, nor what my goal is.

But sometimes I can manage the anxiety and the sense of inadequacy, because I try to think that:

If I don’t know yet what my goal is,I cannot know what is the path that leads to it.

And it is a relief to think that I cannot go wrong if I take a path, because there is nothing really wrong, it is not in my power to understand which door will lead me where I have to go, because simply I don’t know what is the destination.

Anyway, before I ran blind, full of anxiety and terror and panic.

I didn’t know what to do, and which was the right way to do it.

So how do you make a plan, or a program, if you don’t know which is the goal to reach?

Now, I still don’t know what the goal is, but maybe I know the right way to do things.

I don’t know my destination but I know what path to take:

As my psychologist friend said,I have to arm myself with courage and patience and prepare equipment and supplies as considering the time to cover them all into a budget,and I must go trought all the way in everyone:

The end is not the point of arrival but the journey.

Every man’s life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.

A captain of a ship looked into the dark night and saw a light in the distance.He received this message:

“Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision”

Immediately he told his signalman to send a message, “Alter you your course ten degrees south.”

He promptly received a reply, “Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.”

The furious captain sent another message, “Alter your course ten degrees south. I am a captain!”

Soon another reply was received, “I am seaman third class Jones. Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision. ”

The captain sent a final message:

“This is the aircraft carrier HMS Invincible. The second largest ship in the British atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, two missile cruisers, and numerous support vessels.

I demand that you change your course, 15 degrees north, I say again, that is 15 degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure that safety of this ship.”

The reply was, “Dear captain, I am a lighthouse. Your call. ”

https://youtu.be/KKRdhBK_fts

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee;
Let the water and the blood,
From Thy wounded side which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure,
Save from wrath and make me pure.

Not the labor of my hands
Can fulfill Thy law’s demands;
Could my zeal no respite know,
Could my tears forever flow,
All for sin could not atone;
Thou must save, and Thou alone.

Nothing in my hand I bring,
Simply to Thy cross I cling;
Naked, come to Thee for dress;
Helpless, look to Thee for grace.

My bestfriend, who I consider as a “forlorn” brother, wrote to me in the middle of the night (night for him).

Usually when he writes to me not to share a fun thought, or talking about a philosophical reasoning, just writing “how are you feeling?” there are two option: or he worries about I’m feeling so bad, or he is feeling so bad. This time was the second case.

We have a similar method to distract ourselfes from our pain: to me, listen his problems, to him listen mine.We are selfish and selfless at the same time towards each other. In someway, it works.

He drowns his pain in alcohol from dizziness. I don’t drink, I don’t take drugs or anti depression pills (that maybe I need)

Sometimes I think he’s lucky that you can stun himself and not think anymore.I react to my pain overthinking. And my thoughts become delirious that I see no way out.

But I’m so used feeling in that way, that a part of me know that I will go on, Although with some piece of me ripped away.

But I’m so tired to keep going on my own, and fall again, and feel me in that way.I wish I could feel free to be in need of help as I really am. And not have to do on my own. I can be strong, but not always. I would like feel arms that take me by my hand and pull me out from a swamp. It’s hard to me ask help.

I was five. Starting learning to write. I wrote the tale of the ugly duck. I was fat, and unaccepted. And always I think that ugliness should mean loneliness and pain, and pain could means violence or kindness. I belive that you can transform violence in kindness, if you give love and acception.

Orlando, Florida. – Lake Eola.

Now is strange travel city by city after having been for several days in the nature. I would to say that a park is just a lot of trees and paths, similar each other every day. I would like to find cities and activities more interesting and varied. But now, see a new city every day seems to me that I’m jus wasting my time, instead in the park I was feeling that no time, no hour was wasted, no tree, no path, no step.

I feel something that tells me to come back, take the bus in the other direction, walking around the nature during the day and sleep under the stars at night.

That days gave to me a lot. Unbelieving conversations, and thoughts. How can I live without that deep feelings in my chest, and mind? I can remember, and reproduce them, but are not the truth, the truth that I was just starting to know.

In some sense, I hate and escape the remember of some feeling, because it hurts too much the comparison, without them.

But how to deny the beauty and purity of certain thoughts?

What cowardly person would I be, if rather be blind just because the light is too much glaring?

For some magnificent moments, I keep hearing these words in my head, in any eventuality:

“You will not incur in anything wrong, anything bad. Because I’m with you”. And now it seems to me, to be back left to myself.

I know, should be in my mind wherever I stay. But the fear, that I never felt there, not for animals, not for rain, not for people, suddenly is here. I almost forgotten it. So strange forgotten to be sad, or afraid, but I did.

There have been days in my life when I felt blessed. Days when my hope was so strong and vivid that it was not only a hope but a conviction. And I felt safe.

In my belief, or recklessness, I gave everything. Thinking that giving everything I deserved everything.

But in this life nothing is due to you. Even when perhaps you deserve it. But who deserves it? How many sins, how many mistakes did I make?

My soul has been miserable and therefore I remain miserable. Miserable is one who cannot achieve pure love. There were moments when I wasn’t loved when I loved. And moments when I was loved but I didn’t love.

This second condition is not much better than the first because you feel all the misery of your soul.

You are not able to grasp the miracle offered, you are not able to accept it. you would like with all your heart, try, but your feeling remains miserable because it is not love.

Compassion towards the other, towards yourself; but that feeling between the throat and the heart, Holy Heaven, when I felt it was unmistakable!

They say there will surely be the right person. Sometimes I think it’s gone, not like a train, when you can take the next one.
It has passed as something I didn’t know how to deserve enough.

And love is strange, it brings both glory and misery: the glory in feeling it, the
misery of failing
to hold him in your hands, like water, or sand.

But above all, is miserable when you see love it is not for you. When it looks at you but can’t see you.

I wrote something six years ago, and I still feel the same misery of not being able to deserve it enough.

“We are miserable, it is not for us the light of the sun; love is a feeling that looks at us as it passes by, he doesn’t want get his hands dirty with us, we doesn’t worth so much.

For us it is the harlotry, and to snatch shreds for survival from your rich and laden tables; you, nobles who deserve everything: you deserve a life as is proper, a title and respect.

We are bastards, like the nameless dogs, and you can throw bread at us and feel good, but you must know that here we fumble and drown;

and our women look at your ladies made respectable by a name, while ours are illegitimate and, for a name or a title, not “countess” or “marquise”, but “Mrs” only, they would give an arm, or a leg.

Belonging to someone, finding our place in this world. But we do not even belong to ourselves, nor to society, nor to God, because it is not for us God, are not for us the stars … ”

it certainly wasn’t the most touristy one; practically I think it was a Latin neighborhood. However, it’s not possible to be more southern than that.)I was practically looking for a place of peace, like a church or a park , a cemetery (which seems a macabre place, but in reality it is simply a place of silence, meditation of peace).

All morning I saw only poor people and vagabonds, sitting or lying on the ground or under bridges. I wasn’t so much so scared. But I always had the chili pepper spray for my safety because there were intrusive people anyway.

After that I started to study the map better and I went to Downtown.In general, Atlanta does not seem to me to be a very clean city but, even in the poorly placed neighborhood, what struck me was the great religious presence and interest in Martin Luther King, with churches and cultural centers dedicated to him.

I spent much time sitting reading in a park. In this park, as in all of Atlanta, there are huge magnolia trees and these magnolia trees are now in bloom with beautiful flowers.I think it’s one of the few flowers that I consider masculine. Magnolia flowers are giant with thick, practically leathery petals. Petals like a parchment on which you could write on. And that’s what I did. While I was writing, I was thinking of anybody who seems just like this flower: white, pure, and leathery and strong, but at same time gentle like the late spring.

https://youtu.be/0NmKp5A8i3M

Shenandoah

What kind of glory you shine?

Not opulence, but elegance, gorgeousness, as the splendor and bliss of heaven.

The honor won by the achievements of being on your hills.

What kind of echo do you let hear?
The echo of a not-voiceless silence. The echo of a peaceful sound. The sound of the wind in the branches, the creaking of the wood, the chirping of birds, the steps of the bear or the deer. The echo of my thoughts and mine no longer think, lost in admiring you. The echo of a lost paradise now seen, which hurts to leave, which I hope to meet again.

No fear enough. No cold enough. Not starving at all. This should be more hard than “normal life” (to temper me), but is easier. Maybe because is not for a long time.Or because is just “living”.
Breathing, walking, found water, don’t get frozen, protect your food – protect yourself.
Life is more complicated – protect yourself is more complicated.
Too much decision to take; here, just follow the trail. Looking for the white sign. And you can discern the color as it is. White.Maybe beware from bears, or snakes. Some human? Everybody seems not aggressive. In the real life, instead, everybody try to attack you. You must defend yourself more than in the woods.And the intentions of a snake are less evil than the intentions of some people.Survive here: too much easy. Life is more hard. Less safe.Here, there is a trail. In the life, you must to draw your trail. So, your choices, your mistakes.Every day in the woods, every night, you learn something from your mistakes.How set up your tent against the rain. How hung your food on a tree against the bears.No fear for bears. But fear for my mother. Why? Can’t I escape, in no way?

To say what you did of me,
I have no words.

I’m only looking for the night
I run away from the sun.
The night seemed golden to me
more than any sun in the world.

[…]I dream of sweet things
that you announced,
remote paradise
of songs resounded.

A fast cloud go trought the sky.
Looking at the night for a long time,
To say what you did of me,
I have no voice.